Premarital Preparation
By Misty Bradley, LCSW
Christian marriage is a binding commitment with the Lord and with each other. Christian Premarital Preparation before your wedding gives you and your fiancée the opportunity to develop a stronger more joyful marriage from the start. This nine week process includes an assessment of your preparation as a couple for marriage, counseling specifically for your relationship, and training to strengthen your skills as a husband or wife. Learn which one behavior most highly predicts a strong happy marriage for years to come.
A joyful Christian marriage is a blessing to the couple, their families, the community and the body of Christ. Your wedding is the day that begins your lifetime of marriage. Give yourselves the gift of a satisfying marriage by investing time and energy in preparing yourselves for the most important choice of your personal life.
If you are looking for something special to give an engaged couple, consider giving them Christian Premarital Preparation as a gift prior to their wedding. It lasts a long time, will not have to be returned and fits all Christian couples.
Misty Bradley, LCSW - (805) 377-0094 or (805) 654-1422 ext 2
By Marty Lythgoe, CADC II, NCAC II, ICADC
Codependency is a condition of lost “selfhood”. Originally the term codependency was used to describe the person whose life was affected as a result of being involved with someone who was chemically dependent. It is a normal response to an abnormal situation. It is born out of our natural inclination to help and has its roots in caring and compassion. Codependent behavior is an attempt to bring some control to an out of control situation.
Codependency becomes a problem when we focus so much on the needs or behavior of others that we lose touch with our own needs, beliefs, feelings, choices, thoughts – we actually lose contact with ourselves. At its worst, codependency causes us to even lose touch with our own physical health as we neglect ourselves in our focus on others. It can be a cause of serious stress-related illnesses.
Codependency has many different faces. People suffering from codependency tend to:
• Be “people-pleasers”
• Be unable to have spontaneous fun
• Have difficulty identifying and expressing feelings
• Need to be in control
• Have difficulty making decisions
• Seek perfection, to their own detriment
• Judge themselves harshly
If you recognize any of these tendencies in yourself, you may be suffering from codependency. Help is available. Codependency is treatable. Call for an appointment.
Marty Lythgoe, CADC II, NCAC II, ICADC - (805) 377-7116 or mjlcadc@gmail.com or www.martylythgoe.com
InterventionsBy Pat Moomey, BRI, CATC, CRC
Pat’s goal is to save lives and restore families. Pat has a personal interest in the issues at hand and earning the trust of her clients. A questionnaire is available for all family members to answer and help determine the urgency of the intervention on her website www.patmooney.com. Pat is an encouragement for the entire family, giving direction and education from the very first step. This could be one of the hardest decisions they have ever made. Pat works with Christians and Christian treatment centers. She will work with compulsive behaviors and addictions related to alcohol, drugs, sex, food and gambling. Pat is a Board Registered Interventionist, Certified Addictions Treatment Counselor, and Certified Recovery Coach.
Pat is an established and seasoned Interventionist since 1984, with an impeccable reputation. Her website gives details and answers most often asked questions.
Pat Moomey, BRI, CATC, CRC - (805) 276-4605 or
moomey.pat@gmail.com or www.patmoomey.com
By Pat Moomey, BRI, CATC, CRC
Pat is recently enjoying life and recovery coaching with clients who are interested in moving forward. When coach and client meet, the coach will ask what the client cares about, what they like to do, and what makes them happy. Clients are asked about what is missing in their life right now and to describe their ideal life. Both coach and client will get clear about what is important to the client and what obstacles stand in the way. Eventually a detailed plan is formed to achieve the client’s goals. The coach stays on to act as the client’s personal cheerleader, confidant, and consultant while the client takes successful action in recovery.
Pat Moomey, BRI, CATC, CRC - (805) 276-4605 or
moomey.pat@gmail.com or www.patmoomey.com
Like other chronic conditions, addictions of all types are subject to relapse. It is one thing to stop the addictive behavior; it is another thing to stay stopped. It is still another thing to stay stopped and at the same time enjoy full physical, psychological, social and spiritual
health. Abstinence is the stopping of addictive behavior. It is the first requirement toward recovery. It is the beginning. It is the ticket to get into the theater, not the movie we are going to see. Recovery is the movie – abstinence plus a return to overall health in all areas of our lives that have been affected by our addiction.
Relapse prevention counseling is aimed at developing skills for long-term recovery. It is directed towards helping people find meaning and purpose in life. Recovery is a way of thinking, a way of acting and a way of relating to others. It is a philosophy of living. It requires daily effort.
Just as there are stages in the progression of addiction, there are also developmental stages in recovery. Terence Gorski, a pioneer in the field of relapse prevention, says, “To progress through these stages, we must have goals that correspond to the stage of recovery we are in. To reach our goals, it helps to have an action plan showing us what to do and how to do it.” Recovery means change. Relapse prevention counseling is aimed at guiding clients through the changes that recovery brings, identifying the personal pitfalls along the way and developing coping skills to insure optimum success.
If you have further questions or would like to take the next step in your recovery, please contact either Marty Lythgoe or Pat Moomey here at Coastline.
Marty Lythgoe,
CADC II, NCAC II, ICADC
- (805) 377-7116 or
mjlcadc@gmail.com or www.martylythgoe.com
It was a common belief years ago that children were oblivious to grief. We now know that they too experience grief and loss but in different ways than grownups. When the children you know are experiencing losses such as a divorce or death of a loved one, remember the “Three C's.”
Cause
When your child asks, “ Why?” about loss or divorce, make them feel comfortable and let them know it's safe to ask questions. If kids are left to fill in the blanks, it can feel very scary. They will let you know the information they need by the questions they ask. I use methods that will provide your children with words and information so that they can speak about the loss in a way they can understand, instead of acting out with anger or very sad, withdrawn behavior.
Contagion
When illness is the issue, kids might be afraid they will catch the disease their loved one has. They need information about the illness and what they might see and experience while visiting the person. Older kids are often taught in school that certain diseases can run in families (for example, heart disease, diabetes, alcoholism). I will work with your children about these fears and help you to give them accurate information about any genetic tendencies in your family.
Changes in the Family
Children need to know how their lives will be affected by a loss. Let me help you break down these conversations that can be painful for adults to have with children, especially when you might be feeling loss yourself. Children thrive on routine and when there are huge changes in a family, it would be a great time to enlist help from family, friends, and your church (if you have one) to maintain their routine in the midst of a serious illness, divorce, or loss.
Together, we will search for solutions for these difficult situations, and get your family on a path to healing.
Chandra Weising, L.C.S.W. – (805) 654-1422 x5 cweisingLCSW@gmail.com
By Marty Lythgoe, CADC II, NCAC II, ICADC
What makes addiction, or dependency, especially difficult to recognize is that it is a subtly progressive condition characterized by denial of that very condition. In other words, as the symptoms of addiction begin to materialize, both the addict and those around him or her (family, friends, co-workers) lose their ability to recognize the truth of the situation. Over time some observed behaviors come to be seen as “normal.” The behavior is also sometimes difficult to observe because the addict has typically retreated into isolation in an attempt to conceal their behavior.
The good news is that addiction is an extremely treatable condition! Treatment begins with exposing the secrecy and lies and denial that accompany addiction.
Once exposed, the treatment is a combination of education, individual and family counseling and ongoing support and accountability. A study published by the Butler Center for Research (part of the Hazelden Foundation) in 1998 shows that the recovery rate and relapse rate for addiction is virtually the same as for other chronic illnesses like diabetes and hypertension. What is usually required to reach sustainable recovery is the help of an experienced addiction professional.
Marty Lythgoe and Pat Moomey have successfully treated many men, women, and families afflicted by addiction reach sustainable recovery and develop healthy purpose-filled and joyful lives.
Marty Lythgoe,
CADC II, NCAC II, ICADC
- (805) 377-7116 or
mjlcadc@gmail.com or www.martylythgoe.com
“There are three things that amaze me –
no, four things that I don't understand:
how an eagle glides through the sky,
how a ship navigates the ocean,
how a man loves a woman.”
Proverbs 30:18-19 (New Living Translation)
Even the Bible addresses how profound and amazing a man and a woman's love for each other can be. The complexity. It is amazing that two people, two imperfect people can stay intimately connected for 50 years plus. It's almost unfathomable in our society; because people naturally want their own needs met and want their own way. Marriage is a delicate dance between giving and taking; it is “for better or for worse”; and some seasons in a marriage, consist of more giving and “for worse.” It is in those times that it is hardest.
Most people don't wake up intentionally wanting to hurt the other person. By discovering what brings on hurt, anger and frustration, you will be able to improve your communication, increase understanding and bring peace back into your relationship. Marriage is about listening more than speaking; about putting oneself aside to hear another person's perspective; to care more about another person's desires, wants, and needs – more than your own. It is also about taking responsibility for your own needs, understanding what they really are, and communicating those needs to your partner. It is about learning how to listen to one another.
Marriage takes a commitment and desire from both people to work towards a connected, passionate, loving, intimate relationship. Once both people are committed to getting help to have this type of relationship, anything is possible. Call today to discuss how we can work with you to bring the best out of your upcoming or ongoing marriage.
Susan M. Lee, M.S., LCSW - (805) 654-1422 ext. 4 fivelees@roadrunner.com
How Therapy Can Help
By Chandra Weising, LCSW
When something challenging is happening in life, grownups can use words to describe their feelings. Often, we expect our kids to do the same, but children tend to show their feelings through play and behavior. Their actions are like clues to what's going on inside. Kids may need help and guidance in using words to talk about what's happening with them. Sometimes they protect their parents from how they are really feeling and it may be too painful to talk about. Therapy can help.
Why is it important to teach your kids to express their feelings? Because it will be a framework for their lives when it's time to deal with difficult things like school, relationships, death, jobs, marriage – LIFE. I will help you learn new ways to communicate with your child; ways they can really understand at their age. I will assist your child in expressing life's questions and worries.
When we talk about feelings, picture a toolbox. As adults, we all have tools in our toolboxes to help us process our feelings. Kids don't have as many tools and therapy can help them acquire some more.
I speak “kids' language” and will teach your children good communication skills using things they love most: playing, arts, crafts, books, and other media. I strive to be a team with parents. Together we will work to help your child heal.
Give me a call or email me to talk personally about your child.
Chandra Weising, LCSW – (805) 654-1422 x5 or cweisingLCSW@gmail.com
EMDR Therapy and Trauma
(Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing)
By Karen McIntyre, LMFT
EMDR therapy is a comprehensive and integrative psychotherapy approach developed
in 1987 by Dr. Francine Shapiro. EMDR contains elements from many well-known and highly respected psychotherapy models such as psychodynamic, cognitive behavioral, interpersonal, experiential and body centered therapy. Research has proven it’s effectiveness in over 22 clinical studies. EMDR is a 3-pronged approach; it works with
1) the present difficulties, (2) the previous traumatic experiences that set the basis for the current problems and their triggers and (3) assists clients in developing the positive experiences needed to enhance future functioning and desired behaviors.
PET scans and MRI’s have shown that traumatic experiences, large or small, are stored in the right hemisphere of the brain with all its accompanying memories, pictures, sounds, smells, tastes, adrenal responses, body sensations, and resulting decisions about self, the world and others. In other words, your brain takes a “flashbulb picture” of the trauma and everything your body, mind and emotions experienced, storing it for future reference as a warning. The problem is often the traumatic memories are triggered along with those past sensations, thoughts, and emotions causing an irrational response in the present situation. It’s like looking at present life or relationships through past-trauma colored glasses. In this way, the past trauma, large or small, can continue to affect a person long after the event is over. This can cause problems such as: anxiety, panic, depression, relational problems and insecurity.
If this description sounds like something you (or a loved one) are experiencing, working with a trained EMDR psychotherapist will help you move from current difficulties to examine, desensitize, and reprocess the trauma roots. The memory is still there, but instead of being in “living color” it is often described by clients as a black and white photograph: it is a memory without the pain attached. Your EMDR therapist will then help you build new healthy and functional thoughts and beliefs, anchoring them to your future so that you have the inner-strength to live in the freedom that you desire. This “resource building” can be applied to many other areas of life too.
EMDR has been a gold standard treatment for veterans, PTSD survivors, rape and abuse victims, and anyone who has had traumatic events, large or small, that are still affecting them today. It is also commonly used in the treatment of drug and alcohol abuse, anxiety, panic attacks, and depression.
If you are interested in using EMDR in your pathway to wholeness, contact me at:
Karen McIntyre, LMFT - (805) 312-3421 or (805) 654-1422 ext. 3 or
karen8455@sbcglobal.net